As a soon-to-be-senior it feels as though there is constantly something new to stress about. The thought of the upcoming year being my last year of high school is something I can not wrap my head around. It sounds cliché to say, but it feels like I was just in middle school last year and now everyone is acting as though I need to have my entire future planned out.
Going into senior year it feels like there is a checklist of all of the things I need to get done. Things that in one way or another will determine my future and that stresses me out.
The first couple things on the checklist start before senior year even begins.
One task is getting senior pictures taken. Finding outfits, a photographer and locations are all things that are already giving me anxiety. I like having a plan, and right now, I do not. These pictures are important to me and as I’ll be paying hundreds of dollars for them- I need them to look good.
The second thing I am worried about is college visits. The problem with this is that I have not given any specific college… A. Single. Thought.
Meanwhile, other students in my grade have already visited colleges or have an idea of where they’d like to go. It feels as though I am falling behind and senior year hasn’t even started yet.
Although I do not have an idea of where I want to go to college, I do know what I want to go for. I have wanted to be an elementary teacher, specifically kindergarten, for years. I dream of this because I still remember my kindergarten teacher, Miss Kreuscher, and how much I loved her. She made me love school from the beginning. I hope to be half the teacher she was someday and have the same impact on at least one student’s life.
When I tell people that this is what I want to do in the future it is almost always the same response, “are you sure that’s what you want to do?” They then proceed to list jobs that pay better, are less stressful or have a higher class status. It frustrates me when people are telling me I need to know exactly what I want to do in the future, but what I want to do isn’t good enough for them. The negativity of this adds to the constant anxiety I already have.
During my senior year, I need to be applying to colleges. When I am picking out a college, I have to think about the cost, housing, location. After thinking of all of these things I hope to go to a college with a rugby team. Although not having a rugby team wouldn’t be a total deal breaker, it would be nice.
When I think about senior year I think about experiencing many lasts. My last high school classes and teachers. I think about how these teachers who are currently making a difference in my life will most likely not remember me in years to come, and vice versa. Another thing I think about that makes me sad is the fact that after high school I will most likely never, or rarely, see the classmates I grew up with. High school is such a small community where it seems like everyone knows everyone. I know that college will not be this way. I will meet new people, have new teachers and a new life.
I don’t know if it is senior year that scares me or the thought of growing up. In high school, my life changes so much in just a couple months. I can not imagine where I will be in a few years. I do not know who I will meet that will impact my life, in either good or bad ways. Sometimes it feels like I do not know anything about my future, then I realize that no one does. Every day is a learning process whether you’re a senior, in college or already an adult. Although that makes me nervous, it also excites me.
The thoughts of all the experiences I will have not only during my senior year but the years after that are unimaginable. I am grateful to be able to go to college, even if not everyone agrees with my plans. I am also grateful for the parents I have, who have supported me and will always be behind me helping me out and cheering me on. It is a constant comfort knowing that I will always have their support. Even if I am terrified of the next 12 months of my life.